Day 38 Valentines Day

(This was my belated post from Valentines Day)

Today is Valentines Day!!!  It was a day filled with gratitude and positive energy.  This Valentines Day, I really felt the love in the air from everyone I spoke with.  This love I speak of, is not just the ordinary observation of the love between couples.  It was the love of “loving oneself”, being happy, feeling content in one’s life.  My husband surprised me a few days earlier with a beautiful bouquet of flowers.  Here is a picture of the type of flower (which we are still unsure of).

What type of Lily are you?

What type of Lily are you?

Highlights of today:

*Spending quality time with loved ones.

* Going to work because I really enjoy leading groups as an adult grief support counselor.  And today, especially on holidays; I feel immense gratitude after a successful group night.  Why?  Because the ladies in my group (and men) are resilient beyond their doubts, as related to grief and loss.  And I also depart feeling truly blessed to know such women and gentleman.  At the end of the night, I went to our car; held my husband’s hand and gently touched our sleeping baby.  This is what Valentines day is all about.  It is cherishing our loved ones and being grateful for what we have in our lives.  Life is fragile and therefore not to be taken for granted.

*This Valentines day, I enjoyed delicious vegan pudding and vegan cupcake(s) a la ME.  Yes, that is right.  I made VEGAN dessert and enjoyed every bite.  At first when I decided to make the transition from Vegetarian to Vegan; I was dreading the amount of time needed to prepare healthful foods in the kitchen.  Now, I find pleasure in doing so.  It’s all a mindset.  I tell myself to have fun with it and be creative.

Goodnight,

Kimberly

Day 1

Today felt like day one of a life transition. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, my family and I moved from a home to a condo. The condo is located in my hometown, a city with serious charm: Winter Park, Florida.  I feel in some ways I am being reborn.  Not only did we move physically but there is something bigger going on here, for which time will reveal.  I have moved literally to a new home but I am also in process of an emotional (mind-body-spirit) journey to capture my inner child, my inner strength.

I know what I need to do career wise.  So now I am developing an action plan, checking one item at a time off the list.  And now I am even more aware of the importance of relaxation, and being open to “no plan.”  Sometimes the greatest joys come from “going with the flow, and trusting in the signs.”  Also a visionary has no vision without rest and recuperation.  Isn’t there a quote that says “Life is what happens when you are not watching.”?

Although weeks have passed since our actual move; we did not feel settled into our new place.  There were many, many boxes to unpack, discard, etc…  And we still have a room full of stuff, mostly paperwork to review and discard.  Last night, was the first night our family (mommy, daddy, baby and two dogs) slept through the entire night. WOO HOO!  My energy felt bountiful this morning as if I was being energized by Red Bull.  The irony is that I have never drank a Red Bull nor do I have a desire to do so.  This morning I was eager to do loads of laundry.  That is not my usual.  Olivia and I played in the park, danced to music, ate a popsicle together, and enjoyed giggling.  It seems she is becoming more independent as I found time to check items off my to-do list.  It was a productive and happy day.

Did I mention that I watched GLEE?  I am inspired by most episodes of Glee.  My daughter dances to the music and I continue to muster up creative ideas that swarm in my head.  Who knew that Liv would dance to Britney Spears songs on GLEE?  I took time out tonight to write and to reflect upon meaningful lyrics.  It is very important to me to say what I really want/need to say in my songwriting.  I vow to write lyrics, without fear of others perception of my lyrics.  The lyrics will be truthful and heartfelt.  I think many singers/songwriters sugar coat the writing in order to not offend others.  That was my mistake as well. I wrote many lyrics that only scratched at the surface of my real feelings.  It is time to really say I what I feel.

Simplicity

It has been several weeks of packing, moving and unpacking, reloading…you get the picture. We just moved from a home to a condo.  Some would say we are nuts.  Others have said we are smart.  I say we are happy.  The packing and unloading part is a big pain; however, it is also cleansing.  I write this post today about simplicity.  It is euphoric to de-clutter our new living space.  So I thought I’d google the word “Simplicity”.  The definition online reads “the state or quality of being simple.  Something which is easy to understand or explain is simple, in contrast to something complicated.”  A life of simplicity would be less complicated.

Thus, I have begun asking myself questions about how I may simplify this life.  The questions include, “Do I really need belts of all kinds? Do I really need another pair of jeans? Do I really want to store shirts I may end up wearing one day?”  “Is it important to keep different kitchen appliances, in the event that I may throw a party?”  “Do I really need to say yes again to another invite?”   The answer to all of these questions is “NO!”

But when I reflected upon these questions further; I realize that I am materialistic to some degree.  And what is wrong with having nice things?  Nothing.  But it is the quality not the quantity that matters.  And do I really need to say yes to every invitation, event, idea etc.  The answer again is “NO!”  A simple life is not just about de-cluttering materials.  It is also about wellness and “de cluttering one’s emotions.”   It is time to clear the energy in my life to only positive and to get rid of stuff that is not needed.  So I created several piles.  Each pile has a specific destination which includes “Donations”, “Re Sell” and “Store.”  Also I gave a few select items to individuals that came to mind.

It feels like a weight is lifting from my shoulders.  There is increased happiness, good energy and freedom.  The clearing of things from my life will only open up doors on my quest to shift into a new career and for inner peace.

Be Well,

Kimberly

DIVE IN

Have you ever wanted something so badly, in your life, that you would do just about anything to get it?  Well that is how I feel about singing, acting and writing.  This is my life’s passion, my life’s work.  I feel I have been following a calling to achieve these dreams since early childhood.  Life has had its ups and downs.  I have traveled in many exciting directions. But there is only one direction that continues to grab my attention.  That’s right, I am about to not walk, not run, not jump…to DIVE IN.

I recently resigned from a position as Licensed Mental Health Counselor.  I spent a few years growing as a therapist and supporting individuals and families with their life’s challenges.  It dawned on me after several life changing experiences; that there is no better time than the present, to pursue my dream full-time.  You see, I tried the 50/50 approach.  I wanted to do “all” of what I enjoyed.  I thought I could be a counselor, actor, singer, mom, wife all at the same time.  What I discovered is that this does not work for me.  Something had to give.  The most important role is being a mom, wife, friend and of course, a friend to myself.  I needed to practice better self-care.

I’d encourage my patients to practice better self-care and support them in pursuit of their highest good.  However, I found myself questioning if I had done the same.  Over the past few years, I have auditioned for commercials, sang for contests and submitted for roles. However, this was sporadic and time constrained.  And so with that being said, I am choosing a new direction.  It is time to DIVE IN!

From now on, this blog will chronicle my “diving in” to the unknown seas of the future.   What I do know for sure is that I have a clear vision.  What I don’t know is how this vision will come to fruition.  I am letting go of a desire to know the outcome, to control the situation because I realize I can only surrender to a higher plan.  Yes, it will be work on my part and I do believe in free will.  But when you are doing work you love; it’s not really work.  I realize that I will be doing a majority of the change making.

Buckle your seat belts, and come along for this journey I’m about to embark upon.  It will begin here in Winter Park, Florida.

Change it up!

Yesterday I decided to drive a different route on my way home from picking up our daughter from school.  Usually I go the same way to and from her school.  Many of us take the same road to work, school and home.  It is routine and we become accustomed to following this routine.  Have you ever been mindful by deciding to change-up a routine you have during the day/week?

I often switch my watch from wearing it on the left to sporting it on the right wrist.  In the past, I had worn my watch solely on the left wrist.  However while I was attending grad school, I went to a workshop that changed my view on life.  During this workshop, the speaker said that it is healthy for our minds, both hemispheres, to process information from each side.  So if you wear your watch on both sides of the body, it is supportive to a more balanced brain, so to speak.  This is of course in laymen’s terms, as the presenter had a more eloquent and scientific way of explaining.  Another example of changing it up is our food choices.  Some people will change their food consumption, which makes an impact on their day.  Perhaps today you will choose to juice vegetables at lunch rather than eat your usual sub. Or perhaps, you will plan to take a day off of work as a wellness day, a day just for YOU, to do whatever YOU want to do.  Changing it up, can be so powerful.

So why do people hesitate to make a change?  Fears, loss, insecurities, anxiety, safety, comfort, security are all words that come to my mind.  Sometimes a change is worth taking.  And how are we to know if we don’t take the chance?  Of course there are risks and changes which are unhealthy in the choosing.  But if you know in your gut that something is right, then go for it.  What is holding you back?  Is it money or your beliefs about money?  If so, look at those beliefs.  And see what you can do to change your views or to make better choices in your life.  We have more power than we know or can possibly understand.  Science is just beginning to explore the potential of our brains, which means we have power beyond which we can see or understand.

As the great Albert Einstein once said ” The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking.  It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”

I will leave you with these thoughts today.  I need a change from glaring at this computer right now.  So I am choosing to change what I am doing.  You can make choices on both a small and grand scale to do something different in your day or week.  What will you choose to do today?

Give, Give, Give

Sometimes all it takes is a stranger saying a compliment or taking the time to care.  My thought for today is go out tomorrow and do something for someone else.  It can be as simple as a thank you card in the mail, just because.  Or as grand as taking over someone’s responsibilities for a day.  Whatever your choice, be sure to do so with love.  Today was one of those really busy days as I am balancing two jobs being a mommy to a 13 month old and working as a counselor.  Of course throw in all the other responsibilities and titles and it can feel like I have ten jobs.  I love it all even when I am so exhausted that I struggle to recall what day/time of the week it is.  Yikes!  And each day is different and filled with surprise.  At least my days are not boring!

So as I was saying…the day began in a frenzied mode prepping baby food, juggling work load and attending appointments.  In the back of our SUV, I had a laundry basket full of books to donate.  Originally my thought was to sell them.  However, I wanted to do a good deed today.  So between my afternoon appointment and scheduled work commitment; I went over to our local book store and donated about 15 books.  As I was getting out of the car, I asked a passerby if she wanted first dibs.  Ironically she was looking for travel theme books.  So she gladly took the two travel theme books from my basket.  It felt good to see this stranger smile.  I could go on and on but I won’t.

Long story, short, the librarian was also happy.  While at this store, I ran into an elderly woman named “Wanita”.  I chose to walk up to her and re introduce myself.  You see, I ran into her months ago at Michael’s Craft Store with my daughter in tow.  Wanita is a very kind, genuine lady who divulged her life story involving Norfolk, Virgina to me, upon our initial meeting at Michael’s.  Wanita appeared to not recognize me or our prior conversation.  But Wanita jumped right in updating me on her two grown children.  I told her that I valued the love story she had shared with me once before.  This story was about how she and her husband met.  Wanita smiled and began sharing the story again. I felt that she enjoyed talking and wanted to continue, so I invited her to the lobby.  Plus the library is for being quiet and she was anything but quiet.  We spent some time together and later, as I was checking out books; I helped her find a book on knitting.

That was the best trip I have ever had to the library!  Please do something for someone else tomorrow, and the next day and the day after.  Make a difference in someone else’s day.  It is positive energy to spread around!  Also, you leave feeling like you gained more than the person you gave to.  This sweet lady gave me so much joy!

In Gratitude,

 

Kimberly

 

Manipulator (New Lyrics)

I began writing this song in 2009 and am now finalizing the lyrics.  I’m the type of songwriter that tends to write the sappy love songs and the moody ballads.  It comes naturally! But I promised myself one of these days I will write an uptempo song.  For now, I want to share with the world a new song called “Manipulator” which will be a mildly uptempo yet moody song.  The artist Evanescence was in mind, in writing this song.  The melody and arrangement are not complete but the lyrics are just about there.  It feels good to release this song to the web.  I will let the lyrics speak for themselves.  So thankful that I can now look back at a very painful time with understanding and love.  Sometimes the sweetest revenge is none at all.  Just releasing feelings with lyric writing is what it takes.  Can you tell I am also a counselor?

Manipulator (2009)

VERSE

I was the scapegoat in your projection of lies

You thought I’d look like the jerk

So you were bigger in their eyes

You finally felt the love that I once knew

Because you took my heart and ripped it in two

What you thought you had was temporary,

But I was always there for you…

That’s why I can say

CHORUS

You are a selfish manipulator

How did I turn my hate from anger to happiness?

I know I don’t deserve the mess you left

And you no longer have power over me

Because I’ve released your grip

It was only strong as I let it be

VERSE 

You were the victim, of your deceitful games

It became clearer to me

You had a pattern of blame and shame

After all the time we shared, you don’t have a clue

But I’ll never look back and wish to be friends with you

Like your fake smile when you passed the hallway

But I never really knew the real you

But this is true

CHORUS

You are a selfish manipulator

How did I turn my hate from anger to happiness?

I know I didn’t deserve the mess you left

And you no longer have power over me

Because I’ve released your grip

It was only strong if I let it be

PRE CHORUS

There were empty apologies

When I spoke the truth, there was disbelief

Afraid to love, you ran away and couldn’t see

That I was really there to stay

REPEAT CHORUS 

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